There wasn’t anything appealing on Netflix, so I decided to watch “How to Get Over a Breakup” – I had no idea that this was a — film, so after giving it 10 minutes, I decided “Nope, I don’t want to watch this.”But honestly, I haven’t seen a good chick flick in awhile and the movie was a coincidence of what has been going on with my relationship lately (oh, and of course the protagonist of the movie is in a long distance relationship and wanted to start a blog, but never took the time to sit down in front of her laptop to start the blog).
I guess this is a quarter-life crisis, an extremely long quarter life crisis. I have been going through this unsatisfying/unhappy punk and this recent fight with my boyfriend triggered the funk.
I’m going into my third week of winter quarter and I feel very very very unmotivated… To the point I am questioning what I am doing.
A year ago, my concern was what I was doing with my life because I had graduated of undergraduate, but didn’t have a plan. I decided to apply to graduate schools, and then my concern was “am I even going to be accepted to any schools?” When school started, I felt a little bit more sane and felt that things were starting to look up, but now I have hit this wall again… I don’t regret going to school and when I’m in class, I’m actually enjoying it even when some lectures can be long and dull. But I don’t know.. The week of finals
I’ve been making poor dietary choices, days I’m not at school, which used to be 5 days of the week I would stay home all day and at max made 2,000 steps.
The past week I’ve tried to get in 5,000-10,000+ steps and go for runs. I have noticed that it helped, but I’m not sure.
My friend asks me once in awhile, “What’s the point?” and I laugh because this is what I’ve been thinking when I have time to myself. I’m aware that in a couple years this will all pay off, but at the moment, I feel like there’s no point.
There’s probably some medical/psychological reason as to why I’m going through this (,which is the reason for my research interest), but for now aside from the more rationale reason, I feel empty.
What’s worse is that there are no words to describe this – I’m just not sure how to explain it. And on top of that, the one person you hope will be a little light in your life decides to suffocate you.
Trying to explain all of this as less depressing as possible because I know I’ll go through this “phase,” it’s just when you’re in that moment, you can’t help it.
I don’t have the energy for anything or anyone, and all I want to do is drop everything.
Also, watch “How to Get Over a Breakup” – it’s cliche, but relatable.