“Starting Over”

My boyfriend’s currently up my ass about how I should build up my blog. His words, “A set theme is good, but not too many dog pictures.” I think he suggested this project to keep me busy, that way he can finally hibernate in peace without me disturbing him.

This is my first blog (unless multiple deleted and remade tumblr blogs count), a blog that I paid $35.something for – I’m cheap with my money when it comes to things like these, so I’m a little salty that I even had to pay anything to start this blog.

Before I start anything huge, I always hesitate, whether it’s asking for a recommendation from my professor, sending an e-mail about an internship opportunity, looking for schools to apply to, and more. My excuses are absolute nonsense – mostly because I already make the decision for myself, even though “you never know until you ask” or in this case, try.

So here I am.. Starting over.

These words are, I guess, my “go-to words” whenever I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and need a pick-me-up. I tell myself I’m “starting over” and whatever was holding me back I’ll leave behind. I use it in all situations, like when I get a D on an exam, when I feel I’m too fat and need to go on a diet, when a boy loses interest in me, when I encounter an inspiring individual (usually on Instagram), when I desperately need a change, and etc. Those words always seem to help me keep my peace of mind – that even in the worse situations I have a chance to start over and do better for myself. It keeps me from feeling like a piece of shiz. Also, if you look in my diary these words are scribbled everywhere.

The situation is different this time. It’s not because of any of the reasons above. I’m not really sure what the real reason for starting over is this time ( – but I do. I graduated this December, and now I have all this time in my hands while procrastinating on applying for graduate schools because I’m afraid of rejection). I was re-watching Grey’s on Netflix while working on my coloring book, and my boyfriend suggests I start a blog. I’m not sure whether he told me to start one because he wants me to stop waking him up from his naps and keep myself busy or because he thinks it’ll be good for my sanity. Either way, I’m glad he did because I think this will be good for me. It’ll be a small hobby, a hobby where I feel so exposed to the public.

This is it. I’m starting over again with my $35.88 blog.

 

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